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“I always tell my boyfriends, no matter what I’ll always be the funniest bitch you’ve ever dated”

My bosses son who goes to NYU – “Wow Allie, that’s what you want to be known for?”

Me- “No I’d be the best they’ve had in a lot of ways…but we’d be here past 2 AM if you get me started on that”

Scared Straight- Allie’s version

Not only do I get better with breakups, I also run a boot camp for male youth.

Its called *Listen to me you little shit, or in 10 years you’ll also look like all the white guys who went to my boarding school and now are locked up for petty crime*

I’m just “Taylors version- a fucked up girl from the city working two jobs while helping lost souls”

Its good stuff. A lot more stressful than writing and singing, Ill tell you that much, girlfriend.

But don’t worry, I’ll be over here doing gods work for ya.

Fine.

Ill work underneath our lazy assistant general manager, if you want me to so bad and Im already doing someones job for him.

I shouldnt be busting my ass harder than a 25 year old narcissist getting paid more for than me.

While hes out here partying harder than me at 22. At 25 I was living with a sociopathic boyfriend, still working (he wasn’t though, he was getting paid by daddy to sleep all day and do dope) who used to kick my ass and mentally abuse me for free rent and so I wouldn’t have to live with my parents. Because even living with him wasn’t as bad as with them.

It just gets better

Its kinda brutal how every time I go through a breakup (as an adult) I have the same stages.

First I feel like my world is ending, and the thought of starting over makes me physically and mentally sick. Losing my comfort is hard for me even if I know Im not happy or healthy with someone.

So for about 1-3 months I literally lose my shit.

Then I put my focus on something else and make sure Im always busy. I focus on work and socialize (in all different forms, even manic risky stuff)

Then my focus starts paying off in ways I never saw being possible.

My first adult breakup that mattered and I lived with him…I ended up saving up and moving out of my parents house, (at least independently) finally at 24. I took photography, walked all the time, taught myself so much about art history and got a pet bunny. I also slept with half of Boston, but I never really had a slut phase before that so …like whatever..we all deserve that phase.

This last breakup wasn’t even with a good person. Like he was satan compared to my ex before him. It was 6 months since my other breakup so I wasn’t even looking when I met him. But of course I let him come around and literally ruin my life for 3 years.

He was truly crazy, and a sick human, and I knew that by the first time. That was my bad.

Either way, he was brutal and so was the breakup.

I lost it to a whole new level.

This year Ive accomplished things I KNOW I would have NEVER done with the chain and ball, that was my ex. Never.

I’m so happy, and this is how it always goes.

Once I’m able to do these things that get me places in life.. I basically lose any care or part of missing the person.

I go from caring SO much. then before I know it I care SO little that I basically feel nothing?

I hate to say my borderline can be useful sometimes…but like…thats whatsup

Im like Taylor Swift in a way. I need to go through a breakup to kick some real ass.

Usually running out of my Xanax would be a horror show

but a week without them was a real testament to how far I have come and grown.

a year ago I would have broke down if that was the case. I kept trying though, and impressed myself immensely.

not everyone understands the mental and physical effects of a panic disorder. Its so uncomfortable.

I needed good, quality humans around me to help lift me back up, and I was very lucky to have that during one of the hardest times in my life.