Category: Design

“Is like, all you do work?”

I spent about 16 Years of my life trying to run from my life. But essentially all I was really doing was running away from it mentally. The only way to do that it is temporarily though, no substance or activity will get me any physically further away, the only way to get physically furthers is to work. I’m 28 years old, in a week I’ll be 29. I’ve probably only lived five years of actual adulthood in anyway. I have to play catch-up. I need to get what I’ve spent my whole life trying to do. Otherwise my whole life basically had no actual purpose, no goal and no lesson learned.

I never actually got to even be a normal teenager. I never actually felt like a real person sometimes. I just felt like a problem. Everyone’s problem. I spent so many years my life JUST being a problem, that now I feel like that’s all i’ll be identified as. I feel like someone decided my identity before I got to find any part of it on my own, I have to catch myself often and snap myself out of it.

Don’t wait until I can’t hear you

Although my meeting with my manager yesterday was like a long overdo therapy session that consisted of me carrying a mini moleskin full of my thoughts and concerns. (I also had the journal because I was afraid of the full moon and how it was going to effect the whole shindig)

I think I went a little too hard. Maybe.

But don’t run your mouth about me when I walk away then smile and play nice to my face. ..with me..your best bet is to say it to my face and lets sort it out..

I feel like yeah, some (most) people say that …and actually are too sensitive to hear it directly. I try to make it clear thats not me. I’m sorry if you didn’t catch the obnoxious hint, that is my presence, by now.

So when I hear someone is being fake to me, i’m not a total fan of it. It doesn’t necessarily make me feel bad about myself, it just makes me annoyed..and thats basically it.

Theres only so much shade and shit talk you can toss around before it gets back to that person, when that happens. You can’t expect the person who was being nice to your face and behind your back to HAVE your back.

no.nope.nothanks.

that ship has since sailed.

killing three birds with one moleskin mofo’s

I guess my life kind of revolves around work at this point.

I truly don’t mind it though. I really like to work. I always have.

I’m like my mother, she would never want to be a stay at home mom. And I don’t think I ever would either. Although I used to think it seemed nice, I’ve seen many. My mom always worked full-time. Her sisters worked part time jobs. I think it’s good to have at least something to do besides making your family and your home life everything. Then you have no other life outside that. I grew up in a really rich town, I’ve dated guys who had money and stay at home moms. What do you think dad’s out doing?

I’m not trying to be harsh, but it’s a reality I’ve seen so many times. Having a family and children will fulfill me in a lot of ways. I deep down know, I would need an outside activity or obligation, ways to socialize and continue to live a normal life.

Stay at home moms have way too much time on their hands. Those are the Karen’s of the world, and they are the ones that will talk shit about middle schoolers with their daughters.

No…Not try to give them advice, maybe call them homely?

I’ve seen some pretty insane stuff.

The only time my mom ever got involved with teenage girls was when my best friend was jumped freshman year of high school. We had to carry her to my moms car.

My mom knew the girls that were around there, for once I didn’t care that she was going to do something that could be embarrassing. She went out there, asked them if their mothers knew that they were out here acting like animals?

It was a bad bitch move. Moral of the story. I’m turning into my mother. I don’t mind it either

We won’t tolerate bullshit, we will tell you the truth. But we also we will love you more than anyone you know, we will take care of you, we can have empathy for anyone.

My mother is my favorite person.

She is everything I want to be. And it makes me feel really good to know that that’s how I think now.

I’m so thankful that I had her. I’m going to make sure she knows that. I remember a time I wanted to be nothing like her. I was a delusional, know it all, angry young kid.

Tragically shitty quality picture. Oh well though

“𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘭𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳”

All my OG supervisors at work got new jobs… and I’m used to hanging up front with the new supervisor, one of the only girls that works with me. We would talk about girl things a lot and reality TV. It was fun to have a girl to talk to and shoot the shit with, she used to love it also.

Now that she is a supervisor, she’s on some extreme power trip. Like looking over my shoulder showing me stuff that I already know. Blaming me for things that she told me I should do the night before. Denying that she ever said that. Sending slacks that make no sense, weekly beta that makes no sense.

Both of my old supervisors were totally different. There was one that everyone hated because he was so intense and uptight. Most guys, just say he was a douche bag. (quote from tonight) He was only nice to girls. So not bad with me..yet he was so intense either way that he still made me anxious.

My other supervisor, Brian, who hired me… was the sweetest dude. He used to go through things with me so gently, informatively, clearly, acknowledged my questions and things I said very nicely. It was never aggressive, or condescending.. it always felt very helpful. Very patient with me, definitely understanding, quiet most of the time. I just miss him a lot already.

None of this shit this girl is doing is clear. I tried to tell her that nicely. She’s determined that it is very clear though. (I know more than just me who would agree with that)

She’s actually committed to thinking it is. I was so fed up with her I finally got a little bit rude. I wish I never opened up to her because now it’s like she knows too much about me and she’s my fucking supervisor. It just kind of blows.

Highly frustrating. Power trips gross me out, and they make me view you as a totally different person.

I see you now. Not cute.