Category: lights

Last night I felt rushed leaving work

So, I by accident dropped my vape pen. I noticed almost the second I walked outside… but my co worker had already hauled ass to his car.

I didn’t have my keys..so I had to walk home, get on the bike I hadn’t got on in a year

(flat tire and so rusty from the rain)

Bike back to my work (luckily I live like an inch away) go get it, and thank god…because it was just sitting on the damn front desk.

My work is so creepy at night. and I really just wanted to go home and relax after walking home.

But the fresh air and bike ride was actually pretty nice. Flat tire and everything

Can’t stop this bitch on a mission

“𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘭𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳”

All my OG supervisors at work got new jobs… and I’m used to hanging up front with the new supervisor, one of the only girls that works with me. We would talk about girl things a lot and reality TV. It was fun to have a girl to talk to and shoot the shit with, she used to love it also.

Now that she is a supervisor, she’s on some extreme power trip. Like looking over my shoulder showing me stuff that I already know. Blaming me for things that she told me I should do the night before. Denying that she ever said that. Sending slacks that make no sense, weekly beta that makes no sense.

Both of my old supervisors were totally different. There was one that everyone hated because he was so intense and uptight. Most guys, just say he was a douche bag. (quote from tonight) He was only nice to girls. So not bad with me..yet he was so intense either way that he still made me anxious.

My other supervisor, Brian, who hired me… was the sweetest dude. He used to go through things with me so gently, informatively, clearly, acknowledged my questions and things I said very nicely. It was never aggressive, or condescending.. it always felt very helpful. Very patient with me, definitely understanding, quiet most of the time. I just miss him a lot already.

None of this shit this girl is doing is clear. I tried to tell her that nicely. She’s determined that it is very clear though. (I know more than just me who would agree with that)

She’s actually committed to thinking it is. I was so fed up with her I finally got a little bit rude. I wish I never opened up to her because now it’s like she knows too much about me and she’s my fucking supervisor. It just kind of blows.

Highly frustrating. Power trips gross me out, and they make me view you as a totally different person.

I see you now. Not cute.

It’s pretty wild

How fast I go from caring WAYY too much.. to honestly not really caring at all.

I’ve always weirdly been that way. It’s how I used to trick psychiatrists and therapists I was a changed kid.

*See guys, look how long it took me to realize I have to act like a saint for just a month after acting like a little lunatic for 8 months*

But now I’m realizing it’s always kinda pertained to a lot of other random situations in my life. The way my personality is I suppose.

I’m all in. until I’m all out.

There’s no middle with me. The middle is confusing. Usually messy also. I don’t care for it.

“You’re uhhh”

*lots of disgruntled sounds*

“You’re special, different…not like anyone I’ve known…I don’t know the right word for it….look around your place. Describe it in one word?”

Me and my dark humor –

“Uh…a creative clusterfuck? messy masterpiece? hoarders heaven?”

*Him reminding me to be positive*

“Free”

“It’s me. It doesn’t make sense. But neither do I, it’s my own little creative nest. I’m a free bird.”

Freedom of expression. wear it, speak it…live in it

I also don’t like being held down or restrained…out of control. Metaphorically or Physically.

It’s not a theory one wants to test.