Category: sunset

Closed& Opening

I closed at work tonight. which was highly annoying to be honest. Yet mentally manageable at least.

Meanwhile the dude who was supposed to close with me, left with like 40 people still in the building…so left me with a broken mic, stuck at the front desk unable to leave and tell people we are closed. In a fucking massive gym. This isn’t Boston Sports Club bud. Get the next bus…

It was lame.

I have to open now though too.

So I took an adderall to keep me going.

(I’ve always had a soft spot for them)

It’s pretty wild

How fast I go from caring WAYY too much.. to honestly not really caring at all.

I’ve always weirdly been that way. It’s how I used to trick psychiatrists and therapists I was a changed kid.

*See guys, look how long it took me to realize I have to act like a saint for just a month after acting like a little lunatic for 8 months*

But now I’m realizing it’s always kinda pertained to a lot of other random situations in my life. The way my personality is I suppose.

I’m all in. until I’m all out.

There’s no middle with me. The middle is confusing. Usually messy also. I don’t care for it.

It’s gonna be just fine.

I think before I kinda used this whole thing wrong. Because I live alone, mostly because I only can stand like a total of 5 people for more than 10 hours or so. I never lived alone before this. I went from an ex’s apartment, to having lunatic roommates, moving in with another boyfriend, getting a place with him. now. I is alone.

I don’t mind it. I have my bunny. I have enough friends (and a man friend kinda thing?) I have an imagination and am easily entertained.

Even during my youth. I grew up in and out of psych wards, programs, a residential school. My ex suggested I move in with roommates. Honestly, it may be best for him…but truly. It’s been my whole life. I used to hide in the bathroom. I still do. Even at my place. When I get stressed, or someones making me overwhelmed and I need some space. I sit in the bathroom like a damn weirdo.

BUT I wouldn’t have that habit, if most of my life it wasn’t the ONE place that I could be totally alone.

I will always remember the night I was in the shower and my roommate got restrained outside the bathroom door and I managed to salvage an extra 30/45 minutes in the bathroom cause she was deff a feisty lil one.

My original point is, this is an outlet. I can actually use it to exercise my mind. Instead of trying to get through a Jeffrey Dahmer Documentary. I can never seem to handle him. I love crime documentaries, and I was on a roll. I give it a go every once and while. Yeah, no though.