I have a lot of thoughts. Its a mess up there

I was pissed at my coworker last week, because he lied to me. He had already been acting kinda irritable and no fun with me for a couple weeks.

I didn’t really think much into it. He’s just a troubled young kid tbh, so It wouldn’t be the strangest thing for him to be moody.

Then he did some sneaky shit, lied to me (what he did wasn’t even worth lying over anyhow.. because it was actually just kinda funny?) I didn’t know, if he was paranoid my coworker who was next to me would care or not…and maybe thats why he was acting so defensive

He went the extra mile to make me feel crazy, like I hallucinated a whole scenario in my head. My coworker didn’t think “he was smart enough” to pull that off. So then Im just standing there feeling like an asshole.

Then of course my sweet boy (god I hope he saves some cute and anxious sad sack…like me, from themselves when he gets older) tells me what I already knew.

He’s not someone who would have just ratted or told me something if I wasn’t basically clear on the fact I already knew& was worried because it was alarming behavior.

Especially from someone in recovery from a serious addiction.

“He fell off the Wagon”

– “I knew it. He’s been acting weird for a couple of weeks”

– Thats when my inner Nancy Drew takes the wheel and does my detective math

I’ve seen and lived with that behavior for years. Even before being with an addict, being smart in “the system” is a lot different than what a “normal” person can even think like. We grew up learning how to play a game, how to be sneaky, use our smarts with the little freedom someone has. (Unless your me, and can’t lie. will get caught. so has to be honest or make a situation worse for myself)

The most impressive I had the balls to do was while being prescribed valium (AKA how I grew the balls) was having my friend sneak in a joint to a unit at McCleans, where I was lucky enough to have a vintage tub in that hallway bathroom. So I “took a shower” then stuffed the stub down the drain.

Plus, he tried to blame it on someone else and then I made a joke with someone who ACTUALLY had no clue what I was talking about… so snitching was something at 17 I’d try to fight you for doing. Don’t mess with someones freedom.

I had an ex who had me accusing people of shit they didn’t do for long enough. I don’t like being played for stupid. Especially someone I’ve put in effort to get to know, actually care for and see potential in, and have fun with him.

There’s only three of us there alone together for two hours.

so when he told me last night, I wasn’t surprised, and I told him I knew that. That I just could tell from his behavior, and he lied to me.

He wanted to know what he lied about, and started getting a bit defensive about it. I didn’t tell him and just said “It doesn’t matter, it just triggered me because I was made to feel like I was crazy. I was annoyed. Im just glad your telling me the truth. Im not naive, Ive loved plenty of addicts. Significant other, friends, etc. and with borderline its a blessing Im not one, and highly rare”

I can’t save the kid. Trust, I sure as shit know that.

I told my other coworker after talking to him “I don’t know why it bothers me so much, sometimes I think Im just too sensitive for this world” She agreed. lol which is what I love about her. Just say it, because I already know it. Don’t waste your breath convincing me otherwise.

Im basically diagnosed with being way too emotional. Perfect fit for “Emo Nite” last night. In which Heidi sang “If it Means a lot to You” by ADTR and my heart shmelted into mush on the sticky, alcohol covered floor.

I told him the same thing I used to tell my ex “You know what I would give to have a personality like yours? You draw in good energy, you care about others, are always making random friends on the street…and your not exactly the most approachable looking dude. (lol) You have so much potential and drugs just dull you and destroy that in you. Your fucking funny, and I noticed you behaving differently and it felt shitty to see” So I just do what I can to help guide him in the right way.

I asked if his Girlfriend (who kicked him out earlier in the day) used as well. Which she does, and they typically do… and she had court that day, it didn’t go well and he wanted to know if he should reply. As someone thats had court, been dating/living with an addict and a boyfriend locked up all at one lovely time, in the beginning of a global pandemic…I told him the truth. I did think he should reply and keep it short. Have compassion but truthfully, I told him after that he probably should go “no contact” for a bit. Only because thats what I WISHED I had done. He’s in a trauma bond. He needs to work on himself. He’s been through a lot in life at his age, and needs to put himself first.

I know its highly unlikely thats how it will go…but Im just glad I can go into work today knowing I got to hug him and the door was open to talk to me if he needed.

Makes me irked that if we’re gonna have so many Gen Z boys with tight shirts, bleach in their hair and body jewelry like its 1999 than why can’t they drop it like NSYNC could?

We wen’t from coordinated dance routines and group harmonies to tiktok dances that my mom could do in her kitchen, and becoming a musician, only thanks to auto tune.

This is a totally, non PC opinion but whatever, Im already one of the most unintentionally openly non PC humans I know. It honestly, clearly, makes my friends uncomfortable but I truly can’t help the word vomit.

I still went from wearing no glasses thinking a hot firefighter was in the building with an “anti anti social club” shirt on….only to be disgusted when informed it said “anti anti Biden club”

That sure as shit is one way to be a walking turn off….

(So I’m not THAT far gone, I still have a moral compass)

By Taylor Swift.

fucking first love vibes. I was in my feels walking home and this song gave me full body chills it’s just so lovely,

….hits different.. heh

Than a college degree?

Because at this point, basic customer service skills are literally out the fucking window. Work ethic is dead and pathetic with these kids.

I live in a city surrounded, and drowning in college students and colleges. The level of basic human skills you find in daily settings have legit tanked in the last decade.

They don’t say “have a good day” NOTHING. They are fucking idiots. I need my medication filled. I gotta call CVS and Walgreens to TELL them to fill a prescription that they know I’m going to suffer mentally and physically without?

The level of delusion of them trying to prove a point is unfathomable.

I’ve been going to Walgreens since I was 14. NOT ONCE besides, when I moved on this street, have I had to call a pharmacy to remind them I refilled a prescription that is due to be refilled today.

Ill prove a point to you assholes. Move your fuckin’ lazy asses, stop bitching and do what your getting paid to do. I swear these kids are just spewing stupid that its just contagious, it makes other people feel hopeless and they give up. I don’t blame them, Ive been them.

You don’t see this shit in the suburbs because people NEED to work. Here, these kids are fucking mostly privileged little shits behind the pharmacy counter. Real cute.

Get your college degree, then half ass everything.

This is why democrats turn into republicans.

For me, it’s just turning me into an independent.

No. I’m not working at a nightclub to have conversations about “someone who identifies as a dog” then barks when he pulls his collar.

We’ve gone too far. When is enough, enough.

I identify as a crazy ass. Should I make sure people point and say “see that crazy ass over there, go ask her that question” AND don’t you question that either.

*LITERALLY* take me out back and shoot me

PULL IT TOGETHER.

This is the most disgusting site these adventurous green eyes have seen since the homeless guys hoohah hanging out, while peeing on a backstreet in Chinatown 30 minutes ago.

Which is way more respectable than this very preventable buildup of trash.

I mean you can’t really control your bladder…could totally have picked an alleyway though

YOU CAN, prevent a trash buildup on probably the most populated, walking street in the city.

There is no “Planet B” my fellow Bostonians.

Don’t catch me preaching veganism. But I sure as shit love nature, the planet, and the city I call home.

If I stick wrappers in my purse until I have a trash, you can wait two minutes until you get to a damn street trashcan.

People just have no fucks anymore….it’s wild and alarming.

*Don’t buy that $5 bottle of Sangria. Don’t even put the frozen blueberries in it. Don’t take that first sip*

You’ll end up with a headache, an ice pack on your head, texting you ex who you don’t even really like, and asleep on the wrong side of the couch, waking up hours later, with all the lights in your apartment on…..oh and a hungry, sassy bunny staring at you with a death glare

(well besides the fact my speakers generally suck and have to take all phone calls on speakerphone)

SPEAK NOW, TAYLORS VERSION IS OUT.

There’s nothing else really, as important as listening to this whole album for a month on repeat using Apple Music.

So god bless my phone replacement in the mail, on its way. right now.

I will be beyond “Enchanted” to meet that sucker

God, shes such a magical queen.

I actually had one sip of Sangria, got the spins, took a four hour nap.

Woke up, and the album was out….I’d say it was almost meant to be..

Sometimes when I write it almost sounds sexist. Yet, deep down, Im a girls, girl. My mom raised me to be one. Hell, my aunts and Nona did also…So when I ride for you…I’ll ride until I die.

Its a proven fact, and I’ll let (most) anyone give me a lie detector test in the middle of a busy street…. Its probably one of the only damn tests I’ll pass in my life. Legit.

So when two weekends in a row, I have random girls telling me they were shoved and spoken to very rudely by doormen in the “downstairs hallways” …I’m gonna go check out who is standing down there..chances are I know them, and know they would hopefully, never purposely try and physically harm someone half their size…

I’d rather go talk to a couple guys, who we both have respect& understanding of each other, and tell them “Hey, these have been the complaints, I don’t wanna tell a manager. I want to just give you guys a heads up. I don’t think Its on purpose, but would be worried if it continued being a trend”

It was something I could hopefully easily clear up, and make them more aware of in general, and in the moment. Haven’t heard a complaint since.

So as far as Im concerned..as a female, working in an environment mostly managed and contained by strong men..I did my job, As someone who’s been through domestic violence on a very extreme level.

I’m not gonna have a 22 year old kid, who’s just doing his job be afraid when girls are screaming as if they are purposely being harassed by them, in any form.

If I can see that IS NOT, the case… I feel it IS my job to come between the situation to protect both of them. Even if its just to make them both feel some form of safety in that moment…I feel like it’s my job to do that…as an educated, aware, HUMAN and FEMALE. We are not getting paid to be human or have morals. Thats just something everyone should hopefully have.

I would just hate to write almost as if Im someone who’s not a feminist or someone who doesn’t stand for what I really believe in. Because truly thats the total opposite of anything people who know me, know about me,

I was making a joke earlier to someone…kinda categorizing all doormen as one.

A boy in his early 20’s, learning how to get paid to handle a drunk girl is actually pretty fucking comical

Its a mix of being scared, trying to be aggressive if you need to kick them out (AKA call me if you really need me) and being nice.

You can’t make it up or write it. Its just great people watching. 

I was just thinking *Even sober, when I need help finding my uber, while asking for a coworkers help… Im probably fucked. Most likely will end up in a random guy’s dumpster in Quincy or Chelsea*

The Virgo men (the most likely to be serial killers, mind you) are the only ones I think would make sure I DIDN’T get in the wrong uber.

therefore I can’t fully tell if thats highly alarming, good or just an astrology mindfuck.

who knows. maybe a scientist somewhere…gotta love a virgo. so shady, yet always on it.