Category: thoughts

It will set you free

That’s one thing I’m actually good at. I’m not good at many things.

I’m a music junkie. I have been my entire life.

It sounds so cliché and annoying. It pisses me off even to say it, but music did save my life and continues to everyday, probably.

I’ll always remember myself in middle school. Those were terrible years of my life…it kinda set my youth up for failure. Derp.

I didn’t really trust many people at that point in my life. Probably two. My best friend at the time, and my ex-boyfriend.

I started to form insomnia and really bad anxiety, and I would stay up really late at night on my computer. I would sit on the computer for hours and hours exploring random music and finding new stuff to fulfill me.

I would make old-school mix CDs

(I kinda feel bad for the kids these days who can’t experience that)

All the music my friends, siblings/cousins listened to, was introduced by me. I don’t know why people make that sound like a snobby thing though….It’s one of the only things I’m good at, can’t we just like consider it a sport?

The real point is though, it spoke to me. Always has. In ways humans couldn’t at that point especially. When I need it it’s always there. It

made me feel… understood. It was like a friend.

(it does run in my genetics. But the way I love music is unexplainable. I couldn’t get to the point of it. I’ve been a walking jukebox my whole life)

Everyone listen to music. It makes the world go round. And maybe it could save your life if you give it a chance

Just the thought

For days now I keep meaning to go through and cleanup the photos on my phone.

There’s just so much unnecessary stuff taking up space.

The problem is, theres so much that I only start doing it…then realize how long it’s gonna take. I become overwhelmed so damn fast and give up.

My eyes will be cross- eyed for days. Plus I SWEAR I’ve deleted half these pictures already before…

Talking shit vs. Venting

I explained the difference to my co-worker tonight.

Because we do talk a lot about each other at my job if we get annoyed. We’re all gonna get on each others nerves, so for me to sit here and be like well I like *you, you and you* so I’ll never speak about you behind your back would be bullshit. I always emphasize how I really adore the person, but this thing they are doing is getting to me.

Talking shit would be more like “what a goddamn lazy twinkle twat, who smells like rotting milk all the time”

(Idk, winged that one fast. judge away)

Getting a lil irked with someone you like and enjoy being around is a thing. We’re only human.

BUT. Talking shit IS, going around telling my co workers that I’m not capable of doing the job I was hired for….simply because you went on the same interview and didn’t get it. Blame it on the other chick who got hired and never came back after covid. Smh.

If I am always nice to you, don’t be running your mouth. Because now I’m not letting you come up front and put on your lame, “trendy” hipster, indie rock music. And I will pretend I don’t know how to check you in or take your temp. when you walk in the building. Everyone’s on an ego trip since my two supervisors left. I love Meg, who’s the new one (she’s the one I was venting to) but these other little twerps are starting to get on my nerves.

Cause sweetie, I’m not venting about you anymore. I’m talking shit.

stay. in. your. lane

It’s pretty wild

How fast I go from caring WAYY too much.. to honestly not really caring at all.

I’ve always weirdly been that way. It’s how I used to trick psychiatrists and therapists I was a changed kid.

*See guys, look how long it took me to realize I have to act like a saint for just a month after acting like a little lunatic for 8 months*

But now I’m realizing it’s always kinda pertained to a lot of other random situations in my life. The way my personality is I suppose.

I’m all in. until I’m all out.

There’s no middle with me. The middle is confusing. Usually messy also. I don’t care for it.

“You’re uhhh”

*lots of disgruntled sounds*

“You’re special, different…not like anyone I’ve known…I don’t know the right word for it….look around your place. Describe it in one word?”

Me and my dark humor –

“Uh…a creative clusterfuck? messy masterpiece? hoarders heaven?”

*Him reminding me to be positive*

“Free”

“It’s me. It doesn’t make sense. But neither do I, it’s my own little creative nest. I’m a free bird.”

Freedom of expression. wear it, speak it…live in it

I also don’t like being held down or restrained…out of control. Metaphorically or Physically.

It’s not a theory one wants to test.